Nicest in the Autumn
by Decidedly Average
Summary: "You know that, like the approach of autumn and the leaves falling from the trees, some things are inevitable." - Nikki receives some news that could test Harry's recovery to its very limits. Beginning of the Elintézetlen one-shots.
1. Part 1

**Hi again! **

**So, this is the first of the Elintézetlen follow ons. Its a three parter to start with. Sorry, it's a bit tense. I promise the rest is fluff! I promise! Just hold on a bit!**

**Anyway, like I said, follow on from Elintézetlen, so probably best to read those first.**

**Cheeky wee review would make my day!**

**Hope you're all having a happy November! xxx**

* * *

He's growing up so fast.

He's walking steadily - you and Harry couldn't contain yourselves when he took his first steps.

Now he's getting into everything. He almost fell into the washing machine the other day. How you wish he'd _sit down_ sometimes…

He's soaking up, taking in everything you say, and repeating it, much to Harry's amusement.

And his Mother's disapproval.

He's learned the hard way that he can no longer curse in the presence of his son.

You almost had a full conversation with him the other day. It seems almost impossible, that the little bundle in your arms is starting to grow up, at an alarming rate. Turning into a proper _little boy._

He's growing up _so _fast.

_Too _fast.

You often find yourself missing having a _baby._ You found it soothing to have someone completely dependent on you, it was more of a comfort to you, than it was to him, when you used to rock him, gently back and forth in your embrace, to send him to sleep.

Harry is your polar opposite. He is immensely enjoying this new 'friend' he has found in his son's rapid growth. And he _is _wonderfully good with him, he almost has just as much energy as your almost 3 year old, perhaps it's the obvious buckets of love he holds for him that spur him on so much.

They often play out in the garden, chasing each other around. Every so often, Kit awkwardly stumbles and falls on his face and Harry runs over and pulls him up and they carry on without a fuss. It's nicest in the autumn, when Harry jumps in the leaves and Kit jumps on Harry and they're so wrapped up in jackets and scarves and hats and each other that neither of them can stay on their feet for long, helplessly falling around like skittles, giggling the whole time.

And you watch them, smiling, from your bedroom window, quite often without a care in the world, though it's not quite as simple today.

Today, as you watch out of the window, you realise you have been lost in your thoughts for a second too long and now the only movement in the garden is the crisp leaves, caught by the gentle wind, falling through the air and landing silently on the lawn.

Harry suddenly comes into the room and you jump, spinning round, hands behind your back.

"_Are we heading out soon? Mum's expecting us for about 5."_

He looks at you with such an untroubled, innocent expression, it makes you feel guilty for keeping secrets from him. Everything has been perfect for over a full year. For two autumns, you've been a family. And he has been bright and cheerful and loving and attentive every single day, not one single slip-up. You had both agreed to take it slow to begin with, and you truly believed that it made you stronger in the long run. He's shared everything with you and you've shared everything with him.

Until now, of course.

You try and look relaxed, normal. But you can barely even fool yourself today.

You feel the colour drain from your face as he looks at you, nothing but love in his eyes, but it makes you uncomfortable, you feel like somehow he already knows, and he's judging you, hating you, _blaming_ you already.

It's just your own insecurities. He can't possibly know. _You _don't even know yet, not for certain, at least.

You find that words don't form properly on your tongue and so you chose to nod at him instead, a sudden, quick and violent movement, quite out of character.

"_You alright?"_

As he scrutinises your face, you force a smile as best you can – you've never been Oscar winning material and so you end up looking like you're in some sort of pain instead.

"_Okay, well, I'll get the boy ready, catch you downstairs!"_

And he's off again. Harry. _Your _Harry. Who trusts you enough to not question you when you look him directly in the eye and tell him that you're fine.

That everything is fine.

That nothing unexpected and most certainly dangerous is going to come along and burst his little happy bubble.

That you most certainly were _not_ hiding a pregnancy test behind your back.


	2. Part 2

You only speak when you feel it is necessary, during dinner.

When Anne's new admirer, Lawrence, offers you some wine, you politely cover your glass with a slightly precarious hand. No one bats an eyelid.

You haven't worked out what you're going to do yet.

You're scared. You know that much.

Scared of how he'll react, scared that this will bring back all those feelings from before, scared that this will ruin the progress you've made.

You have the worst indigestion you think you've ever felt and so you ask if you can go home. You carry Kit to the car and strap him in and then listen in silence as Harry tears to shreds his Mother's long awaited gentleman caller.

"_You're not telling me you don't think he's a complete…" _The subsequent curse is said under his breath; a habit you've taken up since kit starting picking up things you say. It's a hard habit to break, even after he's asleep in the back.

"_Maybe you should give him a chance?"_

"_You don't think they have S.E.X, do you?"_

"_Harry…"_

You could have told him then.

But your fear of how this will contort him is stronger than your fear of how he'll react when he finds out you've kept it from him.

So you keep your mouth shut. And your secret eats away at your conscience. Rotting you from the inside out and as the leaves on the drive – battered and sodden with rain – slowly decay, you begin to sleep less and less and with each passing day the situation grows more and more severe. You realise the mistake you've made in not being open with him and – realising that it's too late to change the decisions you've made – you watch him at nights, highlighted by the woody tint of the moon, and grieve the impending loss of everything you've, _he's _worked so hard, to build for you.

Because, although you've made some pretty idiotic mistakes this week, you're not stupid.

You know that, like the approach of autumn and the leaves falling from the trees, some things are inevitable.

* * *

It is the following weekend. You've just done the weekly shop, something you were pathetically happy about as Harry had the day off and he could watch Kit. It is such a joyous occasion, that you simply nod and smile happily when Harry promises to do the washing,

Hoover a bit,

_Take out the bins._

Gaily you come in, five shopping bags in each hand, slamming the cold and gradual darkness out and announcing your arrival.

You stop suddenly as you struggle through the kitchen door, dropping the bags you look up to be met by Harry, standing waiting for you.

Looking positively _furious._

You've never been scared of him, but tonight you're close. There's so much more than anger in his face. There is hurt and fear and utter, utter, _rage. _You can do nothing but look straight at him, frozen, your fearful gaze moving rapidly from his own, to the pregnancy test in his hand.

_The one you'd put in the bin._

You can tell he's on the brink of losing his temper. He speaks through gritted teeth in a low, growling voice.

"_How long have you known?"_

"…_A week."_

It makes things all the more menacing when he doesn't speak again, you feel obliged to explain yourself, but you don't get the chance as in one violent movement, he slams the small object down on the table between you, and with the sheer force it breaks into tiny bits, almost tuneful as they hit the floor.

You look round to see Kit, leaving the living room and toddling his way down the hall to find out what all the noise is about. Urgently, you turn your back on your husband and usher your son back into the living room, closing the door behind him.

The next thing you hear is the slam of the front door and you feel the rush of cold, dry air breeze through the hall as Harry leaves the house. You simply stand, desolate in the hallway, and close your eyes in defeat.

* * *

**Sorry...again! Promise it'll get better, don't fret! x**


	3. Part 3

**The Conclusion.**

* * *

It has taken a great many years. But you have found out how to cope when he's like this.

You just haven't had to put it into practice until now.

You remember, when the two of you were little more than good friends (though you had always craved more), when he had wound himself up so tightly that he would simply get up and leave, without a word to anyone.

You would cry and worry and despair over his disappearance. Normal life would only resume when he was found unscathed.

Though now you understand better. It's just what he does, when a situation gets too much. He leaves to look for answers.

He's not like you. He knows what he's doing. He won't get himself in any trouble.

And he'll come back to you in his own time._ If he knows what's good for him._

And so you try as best as you can to continue your evening as normal; Kit isn't very interested in his story, choosing instead to sit up on his pillow and watch the wind blowing through the trees, wracking the naked bodies of the trees with shivers in the darkness.

"_Are you even listening to this, Mr?"_

"_Where's Daddy?"_

He's only a child, and yet he looks so worried, his face is the image of the one you are trying to repress within yourself; concerned, upset, hurt.

"_He's gone for a drive, he'll be back soon."_

"_When?"_

You give an exasperated smile as the questions start and you try to keep yourself calm, for the sake of your son more than anything. You hold your arms out to him and he lowers himself down into bed. You tuck him tightly in and with hands at either side of his shoulders, over his duvet, you lean down and kiss him goodnight, hiding you both for a fraction of a second, in a curtain of golden hair.

"_When you've gone to sleep."_

* * *

Later, you lie in a cold bed, listening to the wind, and you think about everything that the three of you have been through.

_The three of you._

You had never imagined it would be any other way. In fact, Kit's premature birth had so traumatised you, babies and the like had never been mentioned since. You had just assumed that would be it now. The_ three_ of you.

…Or two…_if he never comes back._

He does.

Of course he does.

He loves you.

He knows what's good for him.

When you here the keys gently in the front door lock and the door shut quietly behind him, you breathe a sigh of inexplicable relief that you hadn't known you were holding.

He sneaks into the room and doesn't put the light on. You don't move, staying instead firmly on your side, facing away from him. But you cannot repress a smile as you wonder if he's trying not to wake you as he undresses in the dark.

You expect him to get in and go to sleep, but instead he slides in and right over to you, sliding his arms round your waist and entangling his legs with yours. His hands hold yours gently next to your stomach.

Finally you begin to heat up.

You can feel the stubble of his chin on your shoulder as he moves in closer still, cocooning you against his chest, against the darkness your eyes open, shining.

"_I'm scared."_

In his voice you here nothing but the truth. Gentle, hushed, timid, but truthful. You turn your head slightly, so you can feel his lips on your cheek.

"_So am I."_

He doesn't seem to notice that you are crying and, with the exception of one small tear that escapes the corner of your eye and runs unbidden down your temple into the pillow, they dry quickly as he begins to speak. Because what he says, you were not expecting.

He speaks quietly about how everything will be okay this time, and how he'll look after you. How he'll be there every step of the way. How you don't have to be scared or alone. How different things will be this time.

You think he must know you better than you know yourself. You hadn't realised the thoughts of doing this alone again had worried you so. Until he had abolished them and the shackles were cut.

He talks about how you can enjoy this and savour every moment, like you didn't get the chance to last time. He says that just because things were complicated with Kit doesn't mean they will be this time. He tells you – and you think you sense a smile on his face – that this is just what the three of you need. It'll bind you together and cement everything you've worked so hard for.

You ask him if he means it and he turns you round in his arms and tells you he loves you and asks you if you'd like it to be a girl so you could have someone on _'your team'_ . You can't help but laugh.

He makes love to you then, in a way that he never has before. It is soft and gentle and soothing and that is all it's meant to be, but you find yourself completely fulfilled. You don't tell him this, you would never tell him this, but you fall asleep in his arms and dream of a little girl with blonde hair and brown eyes and an infectious happiness, like a glow that you won't ever allow to dim.

* * *

**Because who doesn't want more Harry/Nikki babies? ;)**

**Thanks for reading folks, there's more if you want it! Just let me know! x**


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